Love is such a strong word

I recently started to really like one of my best guy friends. And i do think he has feelings for me too. We always flirt together, and he does little things when his friends are there like put his arm around me. For example on the weekend, me and my friends were in the hot tub. And he kept holding my hand and touching my legs and massaging my feet. I don't know if that means he likes me, but I would assume that. The onlt thing is I think he would be afraid to ask me out, because he would be afriad to lose my friendship, since we are soo close. AND THEN sunday night his friend X confessed his love to me. X told me that I was perfect, and that whenever he thinks of what he wants in a girl he thinks of me. But heres the thing, me and X used to date two years ago. It wasn't that serious, and we have stayed friends..kinda.. but i dunno what to do ahh I am kind of tired of being single, but I know I can't just date X for the sake of being in a relationship. I don't know if I should tell my best friend that I like him, because I don't want to make things awkward, and I don't know what to tell X without hurting his feelings, because I know he really loves me. And now on top of all this... another guy wants to ask me to start dating, and I don't know him too well so maybe I should give him a chance. I really don't know what to do. My life is full of such drama.. HONESTLY!!!

Same Shit, Different Day

I know I shouldn't complain about my life, because I know I have lots of friends and family who care about me. Sometimes though I just wish I could be someone else, somewhere else. Everything is so systematic. I go through each day and see the same people, but sometimes I just wish I couls escape it all. I want to sometimes just pack up life as I know it and move to a different country and cut myself off from everyone and everything. I know I should be thankful for what I have, but sometimes what I have just is fullfilling. SO what if you have a great guy and lots of friends whom you can talk to about anything. That really doesn't make your life that much better. I want excitement, but not excitement as in going to a bar or something. I just want change. I want to experience something new. Everything in my life has always been handed to me. I don't want that. I have lots of material things and I love them, but I also really just want to get rid of all of it. I want everything to be different. I am just so sick and tired of life. I am sick of hearing about other peoples trivial problems and I am just sick of everything. I am not even fully sure of what I want, but all I know is that I need a change, because I am going crazy. I always go on vacations, thinking they will make a difference. But in the long run they don't I just come home and life picks up where it left off. I just sometimes wish my life had some kind of purpose, I do not even know what my purpose is. What am I supposed to make of it all. I am so tired of life. Same shit, different day!

Drama Drama Drama

I have been just readjusting to returning home from vacation. I am just getting back on schedule and coming back into normal life. Already I am starting to plan another vacation with my friends to New York. At first I was really excited and we were just going to go with 4 people, but now they want to bring a 5th, another girl. So it will be 3 girls and 2 guys, I think 5 is a bad number personally but what can I do, they already asked her to come. But this other girl that is coming used to date one of the guys, which I think will make things just awkward. I do not know if they want to get back together, but they both say they do not. Then again why else would he invited her though :S. To be perfectly honest, I would be kind of upset if they did get back together, because they always fight and I know it wouldn't work out. Plus, I do have feelings for this guy, and I know he has feelings for me, but I do not know if anything will come of it. Since we are like really good friends, I do not think he wants to jepordise our friendship incase we ever break up. This situation is very complicated and annoying. It has been frustrating me a lot lately. A lot of people when they first meet us think we are dating or that we should date, but I know this is very immature of me but I just can't tell him how I feel unless he tells me he likes me first. On his msn he has a display picture of us, and we talk for hours everyday, but I just do not know what to think. I wish I could read his mind. Even if we are just meant to be friends I would be cool with that if I knew that's all he wanted. I do really want to tell him that I like him, but I just can't. I wish I could put everything aside and just do it, but it has so many complications if I do. WHAT SHOULD I DO? If I tell him i like him, and he just wants to be friends we may not be too close anymore. So please any advice is helpful. I just don't know if I should move on or wait. Because waiting is just so hard, moving on just may be easier :( I thought all of this drama would be over after high school, but no it still happens to me.... ugh

Escaping

There is nothing really wrong in my life right now, I have lots of friends and people who care about me. But sometimes I feel like I just want to escape. I want to get away, be someone else or be somewhere else. Sometimes I also just need to get away to re-evaluate my life. I am going to Florida in a week, and I am going to use this time to of course have fun but I am also going to use this time to think and just escape reality. I am going away with two of my friends and I am sure I will have lots of fun and meet lots of interesting people, and this is what I need right now. I am ready to escape, even if just for a little while. Sometimes I just need to add some spice to my life and see some different faces. I love meeting new people, and right now I really could use some time away.
When I walk down the street and I see faces pass me by, I hear parts of conversations. I realize that this is a big world and I am only one small part of it. I realize that I have no clue what is going on in that persons mind, and I do not know the experiences they have had. Or why life's path has chosen for them to pass by me at that moment. But I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason. At that moment there was a distinct reason for why we would both be there at the same time. But I find it mind boggling to just sit back and think that I am just 1 in 6 billion people.
I also need to escape because I need to come to terms with what I want from life right now and what I am going to bring to the table. I need a break from everything. Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get :)

Strangers

"Though we share so many secrets, there are some we never tell" Billy Joel. I find this so true, no matter how much we share with another person there is always something we have kept secret. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet that they don't feel the need to share with others or they feel they can't share with others. I know that many people have found their "soul mates" and I am sure you tell them a lot, but do we really share every little thought in our minds. We always have certain feelings or thoughts that we know we shouldn't and we feel that maybe if we don't tell anyone it will make it not real. Personally, I can't always share my feelings with others, because I am scared they don't feel the same way and sometimes I am scared that they do. But I just want to say I really like the song The Stranger by Billy Joel, because sometimes we are strangers to those who think they know us well. And sometimes we are even strangers to ourselves.

Love at First Sight?

No! I do not believe in love at first sight. I think that love at first sight is merely a physical attraction to someone. I do not think that you could possibly love someone whom you have only seen their appearance. Love comes from knowing the inner soul of another person. I think that to truely be in love, you must also love that persons personality as well. Having a relationship solely based on physical appearance would ultimately end in chaos. There can be lust at first sight, because you are attracted to anothers appearance, but that is it. Love is a powerful word, and should not be tossed around lightly. When you are in love there is a deeper spiritual connection. I also believe that when you get to know someone it is true that their inner beauty becomes more important than their outter beauty. I think that someone with a good personality is much more attractive than a macho man that has nothing intelligent to say. So love at first sight, I don't think so!

Favorite Quotes!

These are some of my favorite lyrics from songs... and a good movie quote and philospoher quote that I just couldn't bear to leave out =)

You put the sparks to the flame; I’ve got your heart in my sight
- Elton John

An illusion never changed into something real
- Natalie Imbruglia

One by one we all had to grow up
- Josh Groban

Believe in what your heart is saying
- Josh Groban

You'll never change what's been and gone
- Oasis

Take what you need and be on your way
- Oasis

God himself did make us into corresponding shapes
- Postal Service

Parting is such sweet sorrow
- Shakespeare

A shooting star leaping through the skies
- Queen

We'll follow the rainbow, wherever the four winds blow, and there'll be a new day
- Keith Urban

We think about tomorrow then it slips away. We talk about forever but we've only got today...
- Keith Urban

Imagine if you learned that the people, places, moments most important to you were not gone, but had never been
- A Beautiful Mind Movie

Excuse me while I kiss the sky
- Jimi Hendrix

Send a smile and show you care
- Supertramp

And your eyes threw a kiss when they met mine
- Bing Crosby

You came in with the breeze
- No Doubt

Singing in the sunshine, laughing in the rain
- Led Zeppelin

We’re all in the mood for a melody
- Billy Joel

Well we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun
- John Lennon

Then we sat on our star and dreamed of the way that we were and the way that we wanted to be
- Van Morrison

Without music, life would be a mistake
- Friedrich Nietzsche

GOOD SONG

Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep, I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me,